Killing me Softly

I can’t breathe. I am dying, slowly but steadily. Or rather, choking - every single moment I think of surviving in this world full of bushwa and dogma. I was pure once, just like you were; from the time when we were born and until we became a little bit older, old enough to understand we have to survive in this world, not LIVE.

You and I, we had a smile, a smile that would melt the hearts of the most vicious beings on this planet.  A smile so divine, that even the gods plumed on its existence. Maybe, when my dad came home after an altercation with his boss, my smile gave him a reason to forget about his devils and jollied him up. Or maybe, just maybe when your mom was carrying you in the supermarket, a shoplifter changed his mind to steal just because he saw you smile when he was possessed by his demons. It might have happened or, it didn’t, but you get the point. Our innocence had the power to change the minds of the most persistent men in a fleeting second.

You and I, we had a walk, a funny one: the time when we wanted to LEARN TO WALK by hurting ourselves every now and then. We used to fall down again and again but, every time we fell, we rose to walk again with renewed vigour, without fail. There was joy in it. We took our time, walked at our own pace. Now we want to run, as fast we can. We are running to achieve something, that something which most of us haven’t figured out. But we sure are running to get it.

You and I, we had thoughts, the weirdest ones. The world was such a mystery to us, our thoughts were like the flowing river, ungoverned by anyone. We weren’t always wondering why the grass is green, why the sky is blue, why do people die, why do people cry and what not? We were curious enough, but didn’t kill ourselves to seek our answers. Curiosity is like a bucket of water, if you are curious just to the brim of the water-filled bucket you are sane, but if it overflows: you tend to lose it! Now, the only thoughts we have is how to survive. We think to make money, we think how to outdo our closest competitors, we think too much of failing before trying.

We all changed, for worse. Now we smile to please them. We run to outrun them. We speak what they want to hear. We sold our souls to our fiend’s long back, and the funny thing is we don’t even know it yet. Where and when did we lose the essence of just LIVING? More importantly, why did we lose the essence of just LIVING? Is it the never-ending quest for money? Is it the fame? Is it success? Oh no … wait, I forgot the most clichéd one, the pursuit of happiness! We all have our own twisted-principles and so called morality to identify the answer to that question. But come on, whom are we kidding, you and I both know the truth is far from being hidden. We have always known the brutal truth, deep inside, why we lost it-from the time we started surviving. We are bound in shackles of this self-made, ever-evolving, full of tenets concept called SOCIETY. We let them govern our smile, our thoughts, our walk, our love and even worse: our LIFE. When Spencer first coined the term,” Survival of the fittest!” and when Darwin later used it (Fifth edition of “On the Origin of Species”) synonymously to his own theories of Natural Selection, he probably meant it on the physical level, but I think we have taken it to all the other levels beyond it. Please don’t misunderstand me. Competition is important in a dystopian society like ours, almost mandatory. But not at the cost of losing all the little moments we have in life which actually when summed up means: LIVING A LIFE!

 Live a little. I tell you, you don’t have to die surviving. Fall a little. You don’t always have to be perfect. Cry a little. You are not unbreakable, just like them: they will understand. Wait a little. It’s not how fast you run that matters; it’s why you are running which makes sense! Take a moment for yourself. Re-evaluate your life. Rethink your actions. And I assure you, if you think long and hard enough, you will FIND what you are looking for, and that’s the day when you actually start LIVING YOUR LIFE, just like we used to when we were kids.

It’s easier said than done. I am trying hard, maybe just like you. But it’s the sense of realization that’s killing me softly. Maybe you are stronger than me. Maybe you had already figured it out. Maybe you are already there. But those of you, who are on the dingier side of the line, just like me, let’s keep trying until we cross it. I said what I wanted to, now you tell me…

* For all those who never wanted to grow up!